from now on my penis is your penis
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Randomize
