the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
