there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
