I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
