Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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