Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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