Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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