Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
