well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize