So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
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were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
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You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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