I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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