He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
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