this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
