Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
