I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
