I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
