Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
