Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
