You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
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He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
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Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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