So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
