She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
