Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
