Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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