I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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