You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
