no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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