you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
