Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Randomize
