In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
