you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
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was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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