My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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