Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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