i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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