You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
