She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
