apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
