There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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