If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
