took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
