So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
