I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
And then my night got REAL pukey
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
