Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
