So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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