im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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