remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
