we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
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