Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
