Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
