I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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