Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Randomize
