I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
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