I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
