When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
