No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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