You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
