My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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