she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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