She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
