And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
