Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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