he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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